Torn Between Two Desires

   “For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better.  But if I live, I can do more fruitful work for Christ.  So I really don’t know which is better.  I’m torn between two desires…”  Philippians 1:21-23 NLT

   Last month, I was hospitalized with stroke symptoms.  My first reaction was to tell the Lord that if He was calling me home to heaven, then I was perfectly okay with that.  I had turned 70 years old a couple of months before, and I had a sense of satisfaction about leaving my earthly life behind.  My husband, Joe, and I had shared 50 wonderful years together.  I had raised two sons, and seen my three grandchildren, and I had great peace about going home to be with the Lord.

   After I underwent numerous medical tests, the doctors admitted that they had no real way of preventing me from having a disabling or fatal stroke.  My family history told them that it was very likely, though.  My mother had a stroke when she was in her 50s.  Her father had a stroke.  And her sister had a stroke.  The doctors told me that the odds were against me, especially with my own history of high blood pressure.

   One of my favorite verses of Scripture, which I have hung on my wall at home, says, “For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better.” (Philippians 1:21 NLT)  As I pondered this verse, the Holy Spirit began to minister to me.  He reminded me of the precious verses that followed this one, which helped me to see the bigger picture of my situation.  “But if I live, I can do more fruitful work for Christ.  So I really don’t know which is better.  I’m torn between two desires…” (v. 22-23)  I realized then that if the Lord didn’t call me home right away, it was because He had “more fruitful work for Christ” for me to do.  And the fact was, that I was okay with that, too.

   If you have experienced health problems of your own, and you have been “torn between two desires,” the fact that you are reading this message means that God has more fruitful work for Christ for YOU to do.  Let me leave you with this precious promise from the Lord today: “We have become His poetry, a re-created people that will fulfill the destiny He has given each of us, for we are joined to Jesus, the Anointed One.  Even before we were born, God planned in advance our destiny and the good works we would do to fulfill it!” (Ephesians 2:10 TPT)

   Lord, I am so grateful that You have re-created me in Christ to do good works in Your name.  I believe that You have given me special talents, skills, and gifts that You ordained to be used for Your glory.  Help me to make the most of these gifts, and to put them to good use in Your kingdom.  Thank You that as I cooperate with You, and give You first place in my life, You will ensure that I fulfill my God-given purpose and potential all the rest of my days! 

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